Melinko Strikes Back
by The Black Dove
Summary: This story is about how the first Pokemon movie SHOULD have gone. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it's hilarious! And inclued lots of hotties, like Mr. Popo and Spongebob Squarepants. A must!! (Has some swearing)


I OWN POKEMON! SO there!!!!!!!! Haha, what are you going to do about it, punks? 

The beginning of this story is pretty boring, because I attempted to make the story somewhat realistic. But it gets better. TRUST ME! Dangit, why aren't you trusting me?! Just so you know, I had a HECK of a time trying to spell check this fic. Ah, screw that. E-mail me with a better title to this story.

"Mewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmew-" translation: "Fuck-"

Mews drunken rambling was cut off by Mewtwos intellectual observations:

"If you don't shut up now, you piece of pink crap, I'm going to sock ya one riiight here wit my..ah... SHH!! Be quiet or they will hear you!"

Both of the powerful physic pokemon strutted with some difficulty down the deserted street. They had cleared the town of it's people some time ago, now all that lived there were some wild pokemon. 

"Meeeew mewmewmm miiii mawaw meow..." translation: "How come you get to talk, you bloated ant? All I can do is float around like a danged puffer fish and appeal to small sticky children. And where the hell is my martini?" With that, mew grasped the small plastic egg that was strung around it's neck. 

"Mewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmewmew" translation: "Tiger Dende, are you okay?" The small device didn't respond. "MEW! Meeeew..." translation: "You stupid egg, I gave you a bath in my vodka, what more could you waaa....!" Mew was cut short by a small shock from the electronic device. "Mew mew mew mew..." Mew awed, putting the spawn of Japanese egg cults into a pokeball as if it were a rare and powerful pokemon. Mew waddled up to a small 14" T.V. that magically appeared strapped to a dead horses back. It stared at the T.V. with awe, as if it were some sort of god. Suddenly, a tampon commercial came on. "AHH!!! NO!! Save the poor innocent feminine hygiene products from the evil blue liquid! Nooo! I can't waaaaaatch!!" Mew turned and ran, crying while the smiling robotic women poured a deadly poison on the innocent, defenseless products.

Meanwhile...

Mewtwo had found a somewhat abandoned house. A man was curled up in the corner of the house while the powerful pokemon was giggling in front of an open refrigerator. With some difficulty, the pokemon was writing "Egg of Wrath" and "Cantaloupe-o-Doom" On various spherical food items lying around. Once it had finished writing "Corn of Destruction" on a tomato, it threw it at the frightened man screaming "Pokebawl, goah..". The Tomato flew harmlessly past, but the man fainted in fear. Mewtwo preceded to teeter itself out of the house, a streak of yellow-tinted purple collecting in pools behind it. 

Both Mewtwo and Mew met up in the street. The setting was an old cheesy western stage, complete with crumbling backdrop and underpaid janitors. The pokemon preceded to crawl their way into a building and pass out on the floor after emptying their bowels. 

* * *

A few hours later, covered in it's own filth, Mewtwo awoke. "Where the hell am I?" The pokemon said, poking at the greenish orb surrounding it. It melded to his hand. "AHH!!" The pokemon screamed, realizing it's lungs were filled with some sort of liquid. Giovanni entered stage left, his figure somewhat misshapen through the orb. "Ah, my powerful pokemon... you finally awoke.. " The loveless man snickered, clutching his hands together in obvious delight. 

Authors Note: In case your one of those deprived people and didn't see the movie "Mewtwo Strikes Back", you'll know that this scene is from Mewtwos' lab thing. Anyway….. *nervously chews on the keyboard and continues*

"Get me out of here you fag" The pokemon demanded, trying to ignore it's migraine. 

"I think not.. you see, you've escaped from me once my pretty prize, and now you're mine!!" Suddenly, Mr. Popo appeared. He was a zombie and had hamster whiskers. 

"Where is Mew?" Mewtwo asked, oblivious to the genie-type-mass that was currently giving Giovanni pleasure.. or some sort of remote.. it was hard to tell through the orb *yeah, that's it..*

Giovanni grinned, and pushed a button on his (sex toy?) remote. Suddenly, Mewtwo and it's filth were flushed out of the container. A platform nearby began to shift. Some sort of conveyor belt. Mewtwo wiped the filth off of itself and smeared it on Giovanni's clothes as if it were a booger. Finally, the conveyor belt revealed a pokemon. Giovanni sneered, oblivious to the vomit on his clothes, and mused over the new pokemon. "This is an exact DNA clone of you. And Mew. You can tell there are obvious similarities, and yet this Mew is much more powerful than either of you! Giovanni snickered, then turned around and snorted some foreign substance up his nostril. 

Mewtwo tried to stand up but ended up tipping over hitting Giovanni. Giovanni turned around, sprouting a rolled up piece of white paper from his nostril and looking very annoyed. Using his own filth and the goo from the container it was residing in previously, Mewtwo slid over to a vending machine and pulled out a sopping dollar. "What, no cheese nips?!?" The pokemon asked furiously, un-plastering itself from the floor. 

Mew rounded the corner with Mr. Popo. "Mew. mewmewmemw, mEW!!!" translation: "Damn custodian wont fix the stupid vending machine...!!! How lazy can this society get??" Mr. Popo nodded, looking seductively at Mew. Mew's orb and the little annoying streak of 'energy' that followed it around were tinted an ugly brown color. Giovanni was ranting to the new pokemon about the Korean war. Mewtwo was desperately trying to dry off it's dollar.

Finally, Mew and Mr. Popo reached Mewtwo in front of the vending machine. "He also said we couldn't try and force the food out." Mr. Popo said calmly, though his turban was a-flame. "That means NO tipping the machine, excetra" the black blob continued, though no one was listening. "What if we accidentally 'fell' into the machine?" Mewtwo mused, sizing up the metal container. 

"This war will be a piece of cake. Trust me, just a couple of Nazis to kill of or something, no one really understands it anyway. You know what I always said, that if you tack the cremated remains of your best friend to your ceiling that it can bring voodoo or something. I don't quite remember it, but we have too many Vietnamese children already. I mean, the longs in super markets are long enough, you know? How many times have you gone to the grocery store to buy a pineapple and ended up waiting in line for an hour behind Vietnamese children trying to trade their food stamps for magic cards!!"

Suddenly the setting changed. They were all under the ocean. Spongebob squarepants greeted them, and gave them all jars of jellyfish as tokens of appreciation. 

Mewtwo walked off with spongebob, leaving Mr. Popo and Mew to duke it out with the mechanical nightmare. The pokemon that Giovanni was ranting to, conveniently named Mew #177. "And so you can see how the Vietnam war was a holy war. It is okay to discriminate people and kill them as long as God tells you to do it. Or someone else reassures you that God told them to tell you that it was okay. And so the little Korean children trying to hurt us beautiful American gay men are the spawn of Satan, because anything that is bad (or that we want to assume is bad) has to do with Satan..."

"Excuse me if I can't understand. What about the Koreans who are part American? Wouldn't they be Vietnamese children?" The pokemon asked, licking itself like a cat in it's personal spots.

"SHUT UP! And don't correct me"

"You know, I came this close to wearing the exact same thing!" Mr. Popo mused, picking at Mews fur in the lovely glow of the vending machine light. "Mew??" translation: "Really? "Yes! But they didn't make it in double digits..."

"I gotta say, if it ain't tight, it ain't right" Mewtwo demanded, chasing around a squealing guinea pig with his circular fingers"

Suddenly Mew #197 broke out: "What is your name?" It asked, scratching itself. Giovanni stared off into space. Mew #177 looked at Giovanni questioningly, and he twitched his head this way and that. "Hello..?" The confused pokemon asked. "What?" Giovanni said, wildly twitching his head in the direction of Mew #477. "Umm..." The pokemon began to back away. "Where am I?" Giovanni asked.

Mewtwo had finally gotten a-hold of the guinea pig. Ignoring the bloody bites and scratches on it's arm, the pokemon cuddled the resentful rodent to it's flat bosom and retreated to a worn out brown couch.

Mr. Popo was popping a pimple on his leg when Mew suddenly got a good idea. Avoiding the bon fire on the fat mans head, the pokemon crammed Mr. Popo into the slot at the bottom of the vending machine. A few moments later, Mr. Popo was standing inside the vending machine, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was crammed between metal racks and glass. "Mew Mew mew mEW!!" translation: "Now, get me my snickers you bloated 8-ball" The pokemon hysterically squealed, trying not to float to the surface.

"You know, you're chewing on the book again..." Everyone looked over at Mewtwo, who was sitting on the couch in front of a broken down TV with a small black and white TV sitting on top. While "I love Lucy" was playing, the pokemon cooed at the rodent it was sitting next to. It (Mewtwo) wore a deflated dress with grease stains on it, obviously meant for obese house wives. It's legs were splayed lazily, a remote conveniently placed at it's fingers. Sitting next to it was a sleek blonde/white mix guinea pigs with huge eyes and a light pink, cow-like nose. It's chin (mouth) was placed daintily over a Harry Potter book, and it was cooing. It's big black eyes stared off stupidly. Mewtwo chuckled, and went back to watching the TV. 

Suddenly 'The Artist Either Currently Or Formerly Known As Prince Because His Employer Sucks' appeared. He was singing his song 'Dolphin' in a slightly muted tone, bubble coming out of his mouth. No one was paying attention. He turned around to suck something from Giovanni's discarded white, rolled up paper. When he turned back he realized no one was paying attention to him, so he grabbed his microphone (which mysteriously turned into a marker) and wrote those stupid Prince symbols that nobody can recognize on everyone. They all got pissed off, and decided to barbecue prince but realized that you couldn't start a fire underwater, so they just chopped him up into many little pieces and let the resident flora and fauna eat him. 

Authors note: The previous paragraph was edited using pronouns in place of the name 'The Artist Either Currently Or Formerly Known As Prince Because His Employer Sucks' every time Prince was to be mentioned, otherwise this story would be twice as long as it is now. Go on, my pretty Minions. Read!!!!!!! DANGIT READ!! And you! *points at Mr. Popo, who is beginning to melt the vending machine from his blazing turban* I'll see YOU after the show….. heh……… *sneezes*…….. why is everyone staring at me?!! AHH!!!!!!!! *runs*

Everyone went back to what they were doing. Mr. Popo was stealing 50 cent bags of chips, Giovanni was making love to Mew #411, and Mewtwo was drooling and sleeping on top of a protesting rodent. The guinea pig squealed and began to gnaw at Mewtwo. When it had managed to claw it's way to the top of the pokemon, it watched a gyrating hamster wearing only a Speedo, named "Mango" on MTV. Suddenly, a gap commercial came on, showing fat babies wearing seductive clothing. Everyone screamed and threw various objects (chip bags, globs on snot, Mew #123, rodents, etc) at the TV. Everyone hates those stupid commercials. The TV tipped over in slow-mo., killing spongebobs gay snail lover. 

"Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Not Stinky!!!" Spongebob cried, clutching an underwater cactus which he mistook for his dead pet snail. Nobody wondered or cared why the author had decided to re-name the snail. (If you're wondering, I was too lazy to find out it's real name)…….. (Spongebob, I'll see YOU after the fic….. heh….. *sneeze*……..damn!)

If I get enough reviews to satisfy my boredom, I'll continue this fic.

Check out Saiyan Gina's funky fic! It's about Pokemon, modeled after the titanic ^_^ Here's the URL: http://blue.fanfiction.net/master.cfm?action=story-read&storyid=74749

To see the Mew that Giovanni created (In case you noticed, I kept changing the numbers of it….. oh well, I was too lazy to remember it..) go here: http://www.geocities.com/saiyangina/pics/mew677.gif


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